Kitto Kitto Sonno Mama
by Aki-niichan Aki's Notebook
Summary: Yaoi; TatsumiXTsuzuki? Pining feelings seem to be floating around the JuChoOh, enough to drive Hisoka batty. Angst, citrusy appeal, true love. Comment comment! Final - final? - chapter up! *UPDATED 24 05 03*
1. Default Chapter

Kitto, Kitto, Sonno Mama   
/Surely, Surely, As It Has Always Been/  
  
Standard Disclaimers Apply.   
Aki-niichan, Aki's Notebook.   
Http://clik.to/shiine  
  
  
Tatsumi shifted, still a little afraid, a little worried.   
  
Every evening it came, annoying as it was, prompting him to leave his work and breaking that precious trail of thought, a long line of mental computations, maybe just as he was relaxing back on his chair. That bothersome phone call with Tsuzuki's loud voice, wasting his time just to say goodnight – was already a good hour long overdue.   
  
But of course it was simply to be expected. No one else calls during that time of the night in JuChoOh, except for emergencies, and Tsuzuki Asato was fast asleep in the clinic, still recovering from his attempt to kill himself. From outside in the hallways it was complete silence all the way his office, a small lamp by his elbow the only light to be found in the building. And from some distance was the dim glow from another office, just across the street, the GuShoShin probably still organizing files in the library.   
  
Tatsumi sighed. He leaned back, closed his eyes, started rubbing at the nape of his neck – there was still much paperwork to be done concerning Kyoto. Several females, murdered simultaneously, a prominent doctor, and to his discomfit a few unknown witnesses, were all victims of Kazutaka Muraki's most recent killing spree; apparently most of their souls had not been returned at the time they were killed, as what happens to most victims of violent killings. With Tsuzuki and Hisoka still recuperating and everyone else busy with their own blocks he had to help Watari search the area himself while recounting all the damages and calculating the reparation costs.   
  
They were done with everyone, actually, except for Muraki himself. Apparently, after checking the Castle of Candles earlier, Muraki's name was not even listed in the list of the deceased. That meant his soul was not merely missing; the contemptuous bastard was still alive.   
  
But Muraki's files were complete now – Tatsumi had taken everything they had about him from the library for his own reference, studying, internalizing every detail of his life. If he was to meet him again he was going to make sure the next time would be the last, and he was going to find out what he could starting today on how to do that. To drive Tsuzuki to taking his own life was the most extreme of transgressions, where Tatsumi was concerned, and there would be no forgiveness, no mercy. Not being able to do anything to stop him, seeing how Tsuzuki wanted death, respite, so much…   
  
He closed Muraki's folder, storing it in his cabinet and locking it inside. He had apologized to Tsuzuki the day before, at a loss for words on his own helplessness, unable to describe the feeling of standing back amidst the flames, watching as if it was you yourself dying in front of you. He wanted to cry, to grab him and feel his breath against his chest, to take in his scent and hear Tsuzuki say that he was happy to be alive, that he did the right thing. Because that night it was selfishness that won over him – it wasn't just because he believed that Tsuzuki wanted to die so much that he let him, despite wanting to be with him so much. That reason made him sound like such a martyr, so virtuous, and it hurt to see Tsuzuki believe it. But really, it was because he didn't want to see that look in Tsuzuki's eyes of total desolation, of emptiness, when there he was right in front of him; he could not bear knowing that there was nothing he could do for the boy. How could Tsuzuki be so wiling to throw his life away, when here he was…   
  
When here he was…   
  
They were partners in the past, Tsuzuki-san and him; they go back long ways, he told Kanoe kanchou, when the older man noticed him so worried earlier on. They were also lovers in the past, after all, Watari seemed to tell him with dismal glance. And the look on the scientist's face was what had accompanied him for hours.   
  
*Here I am… unable to show him my true feelings… I'm the idiot, and I know it.*   
  
And it hurt, Tsuzuki being the gracious creature of trust that he was, having to lie and see him believe it, of not being able to tell him the real reason, that on that moment Tsuzuki tried to kill himself Tatsumi had given up on his feelings. That when he saw his willingness to die, saw that Tsuzuki felt as if he had nothing more to live for he let go all hope that Tsuzuki would snap out of his trance because of him. That he was afraid that when he knelt before Tsuzuki he would not listen, not recognize him even, and he would not be able to take him back. He was a coward, unable to risk seeing Tsuzuki choosing death over him.   
  
*Which he probably would have.* What Kurosawa Hisoka did to save Tsuzuki he did not admire. But that he succeeded – Tatsumi would have given the world to be in his place. So it was that boy then, Tatsumi surmised, who finally won.   
  
There was Hakushaku-sama and Muraki's ardent advances, his and Watari's watchful display of concern, and Hisoka's resistant display opposite his true feelings – for some reason when you meet Tsuzuki and see him smile at you for the first time, you realize that instant that you want that smile to accompany you for the rest of your life. He remembered Minase Hijiri, the genius child violinist Tsuzuki had once saved, sobbing in his office, trying to compose himself before saying goodbye to Tsuzuki for good. And even Terazuma, much like Hisoka's denying methods, had been pacing back and forth nervously outside the clinic worrying. He, too, kept his feelings to himself in a manner similar to Tatsumi, and tried to push Tsuzuki away.   
  
Well, Tsuzuki's choice was no big surprise. He had seen the look in Tsuzuki's eyes whenever he looked at his partner, or even just talked of the boy. He may be aloof, but Hisoka was quite beautiful, long-lashes and wide eyes very appealing as well as a slight built that seemed fragile. Coddling the boy despite his warnings not to would probably be irresistible to Tsuzuki, who had an innate sense of whomever needed help without being told. Right now, spending so much time together in the clinic, they probably already sorted their feelings out.   
  
Muraki, Terazuma, Hakushaku-sama, Watari, Hijiri, and himself… He doubted the relationship would deter Muraki and the Hakushaku-sama's advances, and he knew Watari and Terazuma's affections towards Tsuzuki were more of pleasant "what ifs", little crushes so to speak. Hijiri might be hurt, but he had an entire lifetime ahead of him to find a replacement – and besides, he wouldn't find out. But for him, letting Tsuzuki slip out of his fingers… he seemed to be the most affected.   
  
Except for Hisoka, everyone… would just have to be sorry.   
  
"Mada… at this hour still – I knew it!"   
  
Tatsumi's head snapped up, his pen writing over the edge of his papers accidentally. He had left the door open, his limited office space starting to choke him, but strangely he had not noticed the padding of bare feet approach him. Perhaps he had been so lost in his thoughts.   
  
"Tsuzuki-san." He greeted, standing up and frowning at the sight of his former partner leaning against the door for support. "What, may I ask, are you doing out of bed?"   
  
"Mou, not even happy to see me!" Tsuzuki let himself be aided to stand, but refused to budge when Tatsumi led him inside. "You know I've been in bed all day, Tatsumi-san! Can't we go outside for a while?"   
  
Tatsumi glanced back at his work – he was almost done, would probably be done by now if he hadn't let his thoughts wander, and decided he could use a walk outside. His back was starting to hurt, and the evening breeze among the Sakura was quite wonderful. Besides, Tsuzuki's hesitant voice deemed him sure of being rejected – which Tatsumi would just have to prove wrong. He gave the shinigami a clipped nod.   
  
"Thank you." Tsuzuki smiled, although his features were slightly more serious. Tatsumi dismissed the uncomfortable thought that Tsuzuki was still bothered by something. Maybe he was troubled with nightmares? Doubts?   
  
They walked quietly towards the garden clearing outside, a common place for them sip tea together during afternoons. Most of the Sakura trees lined outside the JuChoOh office were in front of the main entrance planted in neat columns along streets, but a few were scattered here and there randomly. In their spot was a particularly large tree near the building walls, and some small ones near it creating an irregular crescent. Carefully Tsuzuki sat down near the largest one, Tatsumi following suit.   
  
"You look, a little better today Tsuzuki-san." Tatsumi said.   
  
"Aa." Tsuzuki replied, not his usual genki self. He pushed himself backwards against the tree trunk.   
  
"You know, today," Tsuzuki started, his eyes skimming the endless landscape of the Meifu. He seemed unaware that he was even speaking, strange as it was for a person to do that, although for Tsuzuki this was common when he was lost in introspection. "Today, Hisoka fell asleep in my arms."   
  
Tatsumi remained silent.   
  
"And the night before, too. And that night before that. And…"   
  
"Each night since you've…" Tatsumi chose his words carefully. "Entered the infirmary, then?"   
  
Tsuzuki smiled at him, and he felt himself do the same. But somewhat… it hurt.   
  
"Something like that."   
  
They kept quiet again, this time the weight of the conversation on Tsuzuki. He didn't quite know what to say, but then, that was why he went to the younger, yet seemingly more mature Tatsumi – he was only older because he was born earlier, but when their age of deaths were concerned Tatsumi was a year his senior. He had a way of knowing what Tsuzuki was trying to say at all times, even when Tsuzuki wasn't sure of what it was himself.   
  
Or maybe, he did know. "In a week he can go home. I'll be losing a roommate."   
  
Tatsumi didn't know how to reply to that. It didn't sound as if Tsuzuki was affirming his suspicions of the two's relationship; more than anything he sounded… unhappy.   
  
A hand clutched at his left sleeve and he found himself eye to eye with amethyst, brimming with some unfathomable emotion, and suddenly Tsuzuki was in motion, arms wrapping around his neck and body seeking warmth in an embrace. He stiffened, catching Tsuzuki on impulse but leaning backwards just the same.   
  
Tsuzuki wasn't speaking, wasn't making any sounds. He simply pressed his cheek over Tatsumi's chest, position a little awkward. They stayed that way for some time, shifting gradually into a more comfortable position, until Tsuzuki found himself half-laying over Tatsumi's chest, legs stretched at ease on the grass.   
  
"You like him." Tatsumi started, staring out towards the ink-dark horizon. "That's what this is all about, isn't it?"  
  
Tsuzuki's head shook slowly against him, a heavy but welcome weight over him. A whisper. "No."   
  
"No?" Tatsumi repeated, frowning a little as he peered down to see Tsuzuki's face despite the rush of relief wanting to overwhelm him at the sound of such a short word. He didn't know Tsuzuki to lie, but the answer seemed highly unlikely. "Honto?"   
  
"Honto…"   
  
"Then why…" before Tatsumi could finish his statement Tsuzuki had looked up, fingers resting near his lips to make him pause. And he paused.   
  
"Because…" Tsuzuki started to explain, but stopped at the word. Then there it was again, that hurt expression, Tsuzuki's eyes suspiciously bright; his breathing was faster now. "Why isn't he the one, Tatsumi?"   
  
Tatsumi removed the hand on his face, clasped it in his. This was loneliness… the same loneliness gripping his very core of needs and wants, having existed for so long with only the certainty of an empty bed each night. He recognized it now it Tsuzuki's eyes, and it removed any assumptions he had of Hisoka and Tsuzuki's relationship. So it really was just a friendship, or love of a family, then, between them?   
  
"These are things you cannot rush, Tsuzuki-san…" He whispered, seemingly also to himself. God how that he…   
  
Tsuzuki's face crumpled and there was a flicker of anger, maybe desperation, in his eyes, his face now mere inches away from Tatsumi's. He closed his eyes, letting his chin drop until his forehead rested somewhere on Tatsumi's cheek. "Seventy-one years - I've been *seventy-one* years dead, Tatsumi…"   
  
Tatsumi closed his eyes as well. A few days ago he almost lost Tsuzuki. After that, he was sure to have lost not his life, but a chance to have his love, to Hisoka. But now here he was, alive and breathing, both things Tatsumi thought to have let go before in his arms – suddenly holding Tsuzuki so close felt like it had to mean something again. Was he really so content with unrequited feelings?   
  
"Perhaps, you just don't know, then…"   
  
"Ne?" Tsuzuki lifted his gaze once more, locking them with clear blue as Tatsumi watched him through lidded eyes and rested the back of his head against the tree trunk. He smiled; typical of Tsuzuki, to smile so often, his right hand clinging on Tatsumi's shoulder to prop himself up. "Will you be making me feel good about myself now, Tatsumi? Say things very unlike you to make me feel better?"   
  
Tatsumi shook his head. Tsuzuki was teasing, but they both knew Tatsumi only spoke with veracity. Just like now. "Just the truth, Tsuzuki-san. If you would hear it."   
  
There was mild surprise it Tsuzuki's eyes, and he seemed to consider it. "Of course."   
  
"Of course." Tatsumi echoed, composing himself. He pushed himself to sit straighter, disentangling from Tsuzuki with a little difficulty and prompting the man to do the same beside him. He wanted Tsuzuki's full attention, not coddling him in any way, for this was something serious, and not something he'd want Tsuzuki to associate with the comfort of being in somebody's arms.   
  
It wasn't very hard; he had done this before. He wasn't afraid of rejection in this sort as he was of being rejected at the cost of Tsuzuki's life. But it had been so long ago; his mouth felt inexplicably dry and he knew his voice could be affected. "You know what I feel for you, Tsuzuki-san."   
  
Tsuzuki's eyes softened. "I know." He moved to lean his head on Tatsumi's side, but a hand caught his shoulder and he stared at Tatsumi. Tatsumi looked entirely serious.   
  
"How I really feel, Asato." And there was a hand on his cheek, Tatsumi's eyes smoldering through his glasses. Tsuzuki almost gasped.   
  
Tatsumi expected the beautiful violet eyes to widen, for Tsuzuki to perhaps move back, or smile. Something of the sort, nothing vehement. And Tsuzuki did smile, but the sadness in his eyes were apparent; in a moment it was evident in his entire expression. "Tatsumi… to go this far…"   
  
"Tsuzuki-san…?" Tatsumi was unsure of what that answer meant. But before he could respond Tsuzuki was pushing himself upwards, brushing his palms over his knees.   
  
"Tatsumi, don't…" Tsuzuki was still smiling. "I… thank you, I think. But really, you don't have to."   
  
Tatsumi sat where he was motionless, wondering. What…   
  
Realization came to him slowly, and Tsuzuki was halfway towards the office entrance when he pushed himself up to follow, not quite rushing. He cleared his voice instead and expected Tsuzuki to be the one to walk back. "Tsuzuki-san!"   
  
Tsuzuki stopped, glancing back at him. It was puzzling… if Tsuzuki thought he was doing this out of sympathy, or to make him feel better, why wasn't he upset? He should be, if it was the case. Tatsumi walked towards him, his heartbeat still a rapid tugging at his chest.   
  
"Tsuzuki-san, do you think I'm lying?" Tatsumi asked carefully. He was slightly nervous but his voice showed nothing of it.   
  
Tsuzuki didn't answer, only looked down. A yes.   
  
"Then… do you wish it were true?" Tatsumi could feel his heartbeat quickening further. He was setting himself up for a greater fall this way, but Tsuzuki's disbelief already gave him the leeway needed in case his feelings were unrequited. He couldn't resist asking a little of how Tsuzuki felt now that he had only, it seemed, half-confessed, if at all. Then if it was a completely negative reply he could discontinue telling him of his feelings entirely.   
  
"Maybe." Tsuzuki smiled at him, a now more sincere expression. He considered it fairly. "You… you're a good man, Tatsumi."   
  
Tatsumi swallowed, smiling back as he felt his cheeks begin to warm. When Tsuzuki said those words he meant it, Tatsumi knew, and he felt both guilty and helpless all of the sudden, for making Tsuzuki say this first before admitting his own feelings, as if trapping the man. He took the hand so near his and reveled at the warmth of Tsuzuki's palm, then tugged a little towards the building where he began to walk towards. Another small smile – that was his way of thanking Tsuzuki, for what he said, and although the rush of such hidden emotions prodded him decided not to pursue the conversation.   
  
"Thank you, then."  
  
Ignoring his heart he laid a hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder and guided him inside.   
  
  
~ + ~  
  
  
"And then you sent him to his room?"   
  
"Of course." Tatsumi replied, pushing up his glasses with his forefinger. He pointedly ignored Watari's incessant tapping at the pile of papers in front of him, the charming blonde seated comfortably on top of his desk.   
  
"Alone?" Watari asked.   
  
At that Tatsumi paused in his writing, not in the least surprised to see Watari's previously stern expression turn a little naughty before erupting into giggles. "Yes, alone, Watari."   
  
It was almost ten, and Tatsumi was finding it extremely difficult concentrating on his work. Finally the last of Muraki's victim's files were sorted, the GuShoShin brothers in and out of his office that day as he and Watari worked together on the same desk, reading, filing, editing, signing. They had stayed inside even during dinner, Konoe joining Tsuzuki and Hisoka in the infirmary while they ate instant Yakisoba surrounded by paperwork. By now he knew his eyes were starting to turn red.   
  
"We should really call it a night," Watari offered, already stacking folders on his chair. "Come on, tell me how it all happened with Tsuzuki."   
  
Tatsumi considered it. He did start with the conversation, mentioning what happened two nights ago between him and Tsuzuki to Watari while they ate dinner. It was almost unintentional, as if the words just slipped out. Perhaps with Watari being the only one who knew of their past relationship he was the only one Tatsumi could tell, and his subconscious seemed raring to tell someone.   
  
He wasn't the type who'd share, but, maybe just a little… and it was very rare that he'd keep anything from Watari. "Tsuzuki-san is just… lonely, like I told you."   
  
"Like the rest of us…" Watari added whimsically, smiling eyes sparkling. "Tell me something I don't know."   
  
"Watari…" Tatsumi warned.   
  
Watari raised both his hands with a reigned grin, standing up. He ran a hand over his hair, removing the bow holding it together; Tatsumi's eyes stayed on him. "Hei, hei… enough teasing…"   
  
"Watari…" Tatsumi again said, forcing a little more authority in his tone. Watari's voice had so gradually softened; there was almost no realizing it until the last minute. And he knew what that meant; in fact he knew it quite well. When Watari started to walk behind his chair he stood up.   
  
"It's late. I have to get things ready for tomorrow's trip." Tatsumi stated. He rarely had to work so close to the younger man anymore; the last time was almost a year ago. But on a night like this, in the dark, in such close proximity with the younger shinigami it was easy to recall what could happen whenever they were alone. During their last company-paid vacation in a Kyoto hot spring he didn't have any complains about Watari's, er, attentions, and it was not something he was uncomfortable or ashamed about, but…   
  
In his office…   
  
"Seiichirou-san…" Watari husked at his ear, arms already wrapped around his torso from behind. "You know I can make you feel so…"   
  
"Urusai!" Tatsumi almost hissed, feeling his body jump to the touch. The last time in an office was while they were making rounds of other shinigami stations, behind Torii Saya's extra desk. Her partner Yuma had walked in on them, *twice*, and it took all his strength and ability to shut Watari up on both times as they crowded their legs in very uncomfortable positions to hide behind the said table. Right now with kanchou, Tsuzuki, Hisoka, and Kami knows who in the building, he was *not* about to go through the inconveniences of work table sex!   
  
"Are you still thinking of Hokkaido?" Watari asked, guessing accurately. "We can lock up in my lab… we'll leave 003 here"   
  
Tatsumi caught Watari's wrist as his hand went dangerously low past his belt, struggling. Watari's breath was now a soft stroke coming to convergence with his cheek; nimble fingers danced lightly over his chest to caress him over the fabric of his suit and nascent hardness began to press against him from behind, not too vigorously but insistent enough. He spun around, letting his arm slip around the chemist's waist, and kissed him.   
  
It wasn't a long kiss, nor a very fervent one. Tatsumi kept his mouth closed, and his hands stayed put; Watari let Tatsumi have his way for now and simply enjoyed the sensation of their lips meshing together, for although the younger man didn't seem that interested tonight, the certain tenderness that what truly Tatsumi was more than enough to make him sigh dreamily.   
  
Slowly Watari opened his eyes, a little disappointed. They, Tatsumi and him, had been like this since Tatsumi's first few years in the Meifu until the present; work was work, but every now and then they found in each other's arms a little comfort, a little pleasure. By now he could read Tatsumi better than anyone, especially at times like *this*.   
  
"Tsuzuki's a lucky man…" Watari said with a chuckle, resting his head on Tatsumi's shoulder. He remembered the time when Tatsumi started becoming serious with his feelings for his amethyst-eyed partner; it was just the like this, that Tatsumi would turn him down. "You should go for it."   
  
Tatsumi nodded, plucking Watari's glasses from his lab coat pocket where it was slipped earlier. He placed them back on Watari's face, letting the back of his fingers linger over a soft cheek for a moment, taking in clever, passionate brown eyes framed by waves of gold a little sunnier than any he had ever seen on anyone else. Watari was beautiful like this, hair down past his shoulders; having been able to touch him in such an intimate manner so many times in the past was not something he took lightly. "I'm the lucky one," he told him, kissing Watari's cheek one last time before extending his arms, hands already on Watari's shoulders. "Thank you, Yutaka-san."   
  
"Hei, hei," Watari sighed the second time that night. He moved towards the door, only pausing to retrieve a folder from Tatsumi's desk. He was about leave the room when he turned around half-way, glancing at Tatsumi over his shoulder. He looked serious just then, but then smiled his usual genki way.   
  
"Well… If you change your mind about sex you know the way to my lab ^^" And Watari winked, closing the door behind him.   
  
"Are…" Tatsumi sweatdropped. But he knew what Watari really meant nevertheless.   
  
"Aa."   
  
  
  
+ owari part 1 ++  
+ E-mail all comments and suggestions for niichan to Kaede Shu, cherrysoftness@schuldich.zzn.com ++ 


	2. Kitto, Kitto, Sonno Mama part 2

+ Kitto, Kitto, Sonno Mama part 2 ++  
+ http://clik.to/shiine  
  
There was a large tray of fruits, Tsujiri green tea packages, red bean dumplings, and two empty cups. It was about seven in the morning, the air still a little too cold for his comfort. Tsuzuki pulled at the sheets and covered his head before opening his eyes once more and blinking, wondering if he was dreaming. But the smell of food…   
  
"Tatsumi…?" He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. Tsuzuki sat up and stared at his bedside; only Tatsumi would be in the office this early, and as always the man brought him his breakfast. He yawned, intent on going back to sleep, when he noticed a small note on his food tray.   
  
*I'll be spending a few nights in Kyoto to wrap things up. Watari-san will be there if you need anything. Be well, Tsuzuki-san, and don't forget to go through the files about the case so that you can finish the paperwork faster. - Tatsumi*   
  
"Files?"   
  
Sure enough, where he found the letter was a diskette, Tatsumi's neat kanji spelling 'Tsuzuki Asato' on the label.   
  
"Working an unwell man, that Tatsumi!" Tsuzuki pouted. He folded the letter and placed it on the tray, popping a dumpling in his mouth. Homemade by Tatsumi himself most probably – although he didn't look it, Tatsumi certainly knew his way around the kitchen.   
  
He remembered when they were still together, where Tatsumi made dinner and they'd eat quietly in his small kitchen. Sometimes Tatsumi would hold his hand, or after he would play a little tender music, humor him a little and dance through a song or two, maybe heat up some sweet sake. And when Tatsumi held his hand, tugging him slowly towards his room…   
  
"Oh Enma…" Tsuzuki sighed, closing his eyes. Self-pitying charged memories and regrets were unstoppable for him, and all he did was eat a dumpling… his mood could only go downhill from here, he was sure.   
  
So many years had past, but somehow nothing ever changed when it comes to those, those "forbidden feelings", as he once told Mitani-sensei. There was Terazuma, who held him while he cried and let him be the first to have him, and there was Muraki, who took him as he lay semi-conscious in his underground lab. He had not exactly been on the lookout for intimacy, and a lover was someone also more like family for Tsuzuki, a companion and a soul mate, someone who would give him strength. Tatsumi had been all that.   
  
Funny how long ago it seemed, that whenever he thought of Tatsumi he still skipped that one night they parted. There was never an argument, or an explanation in Tatsumi's part. He had simply said that he would not be accompanying Tsuzuki on their present mission, or on the next. He couldn't bear turn around, hearing Tatsumi's dismissal; there was no formal commitment between them that he could raise, anyway. They were simply partners, and whereas he and Tatsumi had been in more intimate terms come evening, it was simply something that came with their business relationship… or so he tried to believe. It was easier to accept rather than think that he had done something to lose Tatsumi's lov… iya, not that… Tatsumi's affections.   
  
"Yo."   
  
Tsuzuki opened his eyes slightly, grimacing at the sunlight. He hadn't heard the bathroom door open. "Hisoka?"   
  
Hisoka placed a hand on his forehead, brushing his bangs upwards. "I felt your… angst…" His eyes were uncharacteristically soft, fingers lingering over the strands silky hair despite the slight reprimand in his tone of voice.   
  
"Aa." Tsuzuki knew he would get a scolding. Hisoka was the type who'd get mad for things like this, when he felt that Tsuzuki was punishing himself. But he still smiled at his seemingly humorless partner, thinking how young he looked with his hair still wet and combed neatly and his pretty, almost feminine face brighter in pale orange pajamas. He waited for him to get annoyed by the mere fact that he was staring.   
  
But Hisoka was quiet beside him, simply staring back as well, as if reading his face. For a moment he thought he looked almost sad, and Tsuzuki realized that Hisoka must have been sensing his earlier feelings of grief.   
  
"Ne, Hisoka," Tsuzuki said quietly, losing all pretense of merriment. The thought struck and soon it was out of his mouth in not so many words.   
  
"You don't have… feelings for me, do you?"   
  
Hisoka blinked, before his cheeks blossomed bright and pink. His reply was a quiet stutter. "Na… boku… desu ka?"   
  
"We're partners, but if I kiss you now, you won't kiss me back." Tsuzuki tugged at his wrist, seeing Hisoka's astonishment disarm him, and pulled the boy in his arms.   
  
Hisoka clenched his fists, the strange words barely forming any sense as the first light of deep-rooted, long restrained emotions rushed into him; doubts, more doubts, and a peculiar anger directed to himself – Tsuzuki was shaking in his arms and wetness stained the front of his shirt.   
  
"Ma… matte, Tsuzuki…" Hisoka clutched Tsuzuki's shoulders, regaining himself. Tsuzuki's emotions were too sudden, almost stunning him and overtaking any instinctual displeasure or discomfort he may have at the situation, and they *hurt*.   
  
"But there was more to us, wasn't there?" Tsuzuki murmurred, his pajama top slipping off his shoulders.   
  
More to them… by the time Hisoka could move he also knew what Tsuzuki meant. Tatsumi.   
  
"Hai…" Hisoka shifted in his seat, resigning himself to offering Tsuzuki a little comfort. The halls, the offices, the gardens… strange sentiments floated and passed through his body whenever he roamed JuChoOh these days. Tatsumi was a source, as Tsuzuki, the certainty of something rekindled between them whether relished or bitterly repressed evident with every part of the building. He let Tsuzuki sob on his shoulder for a few minutes, his eyes wandering to the food tray by his bedside.   
  
"This is embarrassing" Tsuzuki murmured. Hisoka thought perhaps he was chuckling to himself, sensing Tsuzuki regain himself. Violet eyes looked up to him and Hisoka swallowed hard, feeling something in him respond – it seemed that no matter how many times he saw Tsuzuki's tears he could never get used to them.   
  
"Aa, it is." He replied, veiling both concern and relief with his statement, but not with his actions as he wiped at damp cheeks with his thumbs. He noticed Tsuzuki's hands clenched at the hem of his pajama top and he slapped over the knuckles. "And your tearing my pajamas, baka."   
  
It was always amazing; Tsuzuki eyes still sparkled somewhat with tears but he started laughing, cheerful and easy to please as ever, as if he wasn't sobbing just minutes ago. But Hisoka wasn't bothered, because he knew it wasn't pretense. Tsuzuki was happy, his feelings earnest and pleasant, and very grateful. He could easily predict his partner's next words.   
  
"Thank you, Hisoka." Tsuzuki said, calm smile sincere and kind and beautiful. Oddly Hisoka found the urge to smile back irresistible, but he shook his head and forced a scowl instead, his eyes falling on the food tray.   
  
"Now what is this doing here?" he scolded, pointing to the sweet pastries. He carried the plate, intending to take it outside.   
  
"Ee~h…?" Tsuzuki started batting his eyelashes like mad, pointy pup ears beginning to wiggle out of the sides of his head. "Hi-so-ka-chan…"   
  
"If you want to heal properly you have eat properly," was the steady reply.   
  
Now Tsuzuki's face was stricken. "But!!!!"   
  
"I'll be taking these to kanchou."   
  
Hisoka almost yelped as Tsuzuki dove to his torso, clinging for dear life while he begged for his dumplings – this from a recuperating man!  
  
"Uwahhh… Hisoka!!!"   
  
"Urusai, king of sweets!"   
  
"Demoo~o, demo, DEMO!!"   
  
"I'll get you a decent meal so let go!"   
  
"Waaa~ah!!! Hidoi ga, Hisoka!! Soshite suki desu!!"   
  
"#^%&!!! I said LET GO!!!" *whack whack whack*   
  
  
~ + ~  
  
  
"He didn't have to hit me so hard…" Tsuzuki pouted adorably, sitting up as Watari took his dinner tray from his bed. The chemist chuckled as Tsuzuki complained and Hisoka sat right cross him reading a book, ignoring the ranting. It was almost nine in the evening.   
  
"Well, you never learn." Watari teased, placing the empty plates on his cart. They had eaten together and chatted over nonsensical things, much with Hisoka's disregard, for over two laugh-filled hours. 003 perched on his shoulder as he excused himself to go back to his work, Tsuzuki cheerily kissing his cheek as a little boy would his mother after dessert and Hisoka at least waving goodbye.   
  
Watari gave Hisoka's head one final, contempt-met shuffle.   
  
The color on Tsuzuki's cheeks had already returned, Watari thought to himself, pushing the cart outside to the merry sounds of Tsuzuki's never-ending goodnights and sweet dreams and Hisoka's hidden glances. He glanced back at their door before he went around a corner, smiling to himself. It was easy to see why Tatsumi cared so much for the shinigami.   
  
"Tonight's gonna be a long one," Watari dramatically said to 003, a little in the mood for whining. With Tatsumi away he had been left to take care of extra documents that seemed to never stop reemerging on the kanchou's out box. Although very strict and unrelenting at work, these same qualities made working with Tatsumi very efficient, and they'd breeze through three or four folders easily before midnight for sure had he been there. And the perhaps after…   
  
Or perhaps not. Watari flatly refused to accept that his main appreciation of Tatsumi's abilities were sexually-biased, and that that was the real reason he thought of the man so fondly tonight. But it was, wasn't it? It had been such a long time, and really, there had never been anyone else. After he died Watari had been oddly loyal to Tatsumi; it wasn't just for the sex, but he also could not call their relationship a loving one. Very affectionate, maybe. Very intimate.   
  
But he did not love Tatsumi, at least not in the way Tatsumi loved Tsuzuki. It was just… oh, why was he even analyzing these things! It wasn't that he missed Tatsumi, only the thought of what they would be doing had he been here, and not Tsuzuki-engrossed, was making him reminiscent. Or horny would be a better word, Tatsumi would surely say. Watari closed the door behind him and decided he could afford a few more minutes of sulking, switching off the lights and moving around in the darkness with mere sense.   
  
There always seemed to be more folders on top of his table than he remembered leaving; Watari scooped the ready mess and stacked them to the left side of his desk, ignoring them for now. He just wanted a clear surface to lay his head against, he decided, and walked towards the laboratory's small refrigerator. From inside he retrieved a bottle of beer, Tatsumi's, behind numerous canisters of nasty looking potions.   
  
Watari hesitated for a moment, and then shrugged. Even Tatsumi allowed himself to drink inside his office, as long as it wasn't working hours. Overtime didn't count, so… Just one wouldn't hurt.   
  
  
~ + ~   
  
  
Smooth, and careful. Warm hands drifted over he side of his cheek, nudging him awake, and from somewhere sounding very, very far away he heard a series of whispers.   
  
"Watari…"   
  
So heaven help them… the husk of hot breath washed over his ears and suddenly he knew the words weren't from afar but were in fact coming from someone very near, the reality of the hand now on his shoulder clicking with the sensation stirring inside him from too much alcohol and the feverish midnight air he knew all too well. Tatsumi…   
  
As an arm hooked over his waist Watari knew Tatsumi was kneeling, trying to pull Watari over him, and at the very instant the thought touched his mind Watari found the next step to be irresistible. With less balance and more enthusiasm he shifted all his weight to Tatsumi's direction, pulling the man's shoulders towards him and locking their lips together. They fell down over the floor.   
  
Automatically Watari's lips sought purchase of wherever they came to contact with, feeling Tatsumi respond with ferocious urgency as the shinigami's hands seemed to try to stroke him everywhere at the same time, a constant sound escaping his throat as Watari further meshed their mouths together. It was all just movement and dizziness for him, barely registering what Tatsumi was saying.   
  
Rough hands caught his fists and suddenly Watari found himself flipped harshly on his back, the back of his head hitting painfully against the hard floor. "Watari!!!" Came the strangled voice.   
  
The first sound Watari could come up with was something more of a pained moan, his head feeling dizzy enough as it was – he did not need to have it banged against the floor. And then he felt Tatsumi's sitting weight from his torso lift, leaving him there.   
  
Without a warning Watari's world exploded, bright white invading his eyes, alcohol and lust and sleep all in havoc as he covered his face. Someone had turned on the lights.   
  
"Tatsumi, ahou!"   
  
Watari rubbed his at eyes angrily, feeling more drunk than ever as he caught glimpse of a very, very, very red face. Tatsumi was picking something from the floor, whatever it was, and no matter how blurred Watari's vision seemed it was evident that he was flushed crimson. Tatsumi blushing?   
  
"Tatsumi?" Watari pushed himself up on one hand, attempting to sit straight, when he finally caught a clearer image of the man wiping the floor in front of him. How strange – Tatsumi never wore pajamas to the office…   
  
Violet eyes constantly cast down to the floor glanced up at him and Watari felt alarm bells ring from all around his head. Violet eyes tried in vain to avoid him.   
  
Violet eyes?   
  
"Tsuzuki?"   
  
Tsuzuki laughed nervously, hands continuing to wipe off spilled beer from the floor – only now it was completely dry. "Aa, Watari, I was just, uh…"   
  
*Oh Enma*   
  
Watari felt the blood someway drain from his face, if such a thing was possible. Did he just harrass Tsuzuki… while calling out Tatsumi's name?   
  
*Oh Enma - strike me with lightning please*   
  
Tsuzuki's hands were shaking. "I was going outside for a walk… I f-found that," he explained, pointing towards a piece of paper nearly crumpled beside them, "Outside in the hallways, and i-it looked important, and…"   
  
Suddenly he felt more sober than ever. Watari reached for Tsuzuki's shoulder and pulled the shinigami to his arms, at a loss for any explanations. Tsuzuki deserved the truth, or perhaps, the story behind the truth. He had nothing to be guilty about – no doubt that his current, or should he say past, "arrangement" with Tatsumi wouldn't bother Tsuzuki if he'd know about it in the future, and surely he'd find out about it someway, only perhaps this wasn't the best way for him to find out! And Tsuzuki was having enough insecurities with Tatsumi as it was – now was also not the best of times, but apparently he had no choice. Better to say it now than have Tsuzuki assume he had already been replaced by the secretary.   
  
Or that Watari fantasized about Tatsumi! Not that he didn't, but!   
  
"Asato," He murmured against Tsuzuki's hair, hovering between such strange sentiments – none of which he could give a name to. It seemed oddly silent and bright now, in the heart of midnight. What was he doing caught in such a tricky situation?  
  
Tsuzuki was shaking his head. He pulled back slightly, eyes that were never afraid to show tears looking at Watari with incredible candor. "I…"   
  
Watari placed a finger over his lips, smiling. He remembered the other night with Tatsumi; there was no reason for him not to hint at Tatsumi's confessions if it would finally push the two together! Not to mention help him out of his current situation. "You're very lucky, Asato."   
  
"Watari?"   
  
"Promise me you won't get mad." Watari stroked the man's cheek, intent on having his way and not letting Tsuzuki ask or even speak. "And I will tell you."   
  
Tsuzuki looked adorably confused. "Tell me…?"   
  
"Just in case it crossed your mind, I'll make it clear right away that Tatsumi and I are not lovers, Tsuzuki."   
  
Tsuzuki blinked.   
  
Watari smiled.   
  
Tsuzuki blinked again.   
  
"Tatsumi isn't interested in anyone but you." Watari stood up, looking around. He distinctly remembered imposing a one-bottle limit, but apparently he had gone through a significantly larger amount of alcohol that night. Having his hair down and his ribbon wrapped around his left wrist meant he had probably been doing impressions of some of his favorite Jpop singers, and with 003 nowhere in sight…   
  
"Why are you saying that?" Tsuzuki asked, sounding truly, sincerely confused. "You said I shouldn't get angry…"   
  
"I may have pre-empted his grand confession." Watari pointed out, imagining Tatsumi's chagrin if he would hear Watari referring to his feelings for Tsuzuki that way. The thought almost made him chuckle.   
  
"Yutaka…" Tsuzuki sounded like he was in awe.   
  
Watari knew, though, that he couldn't just get away that easily – he still had to explain why he had been moaning Tatsumi's name despite claiming that there was nothing between them. "I will admit that I find him very…" He paused, thinking. Sensual? Dominant? Engaging?   
  
Exhausting…?   
  
Too revealing!   
  
"… nice." Watari decided nervously. God how was he gonna start?   
  
*Nice in bed.*   
  
"I guess it's not good to get drunk while doing someone else's paperwork, ne?"   
  
Now Tsuzuki snapped back to genki-ness. "Is that your excuse?"  
  
Watari felt pure dread ball up in his stomach.   
  
"Watari, omae!" All of the sudden Tsuzuki was jumping towards him, making them stumble back to the floor as puppy Tsuzuki happily glomped the scientist.   
  
"Tsuzuki!"   
  
This time Tsuzuki was the one to shush him, eyes suspiciously bright. "Ne, Watari."   
  
Watari knew that tone of voice. Tsuzuki was very serious now.  
  
*Hell.*   
  
Tsuzuki was smiling like the Cheshire cat, wriggling happily on top of him. Watari decided right away this was *not* the best thing for his still intoxicated, meddlesome libido. "Thank you."   
  
"Are…?" Something wasn't quite right… yet.   
  
Tsuzuki patted his head, and just like that, the situation had reversed. Suddenly Tsuzuki was the one in control. "I already know the truth about you and Tatsumi."   
  
Watari opened his mouth, but no sound came out.   
  
"So was really no need to say all that, ne?"   
  
"…"   
  
"Ne!"   
  
Still, no sound. Watari could only press his lips together, waiting. Tsuzuki couldn't possibly saying that…   
  
Tsuzuki started chuckling. "Kyoto, Hisoka and I were taking a walk in the garden. You should have seen 'Soka-chan's face!"   
  
Watari's eyes widened. The hot springs place… And there he was assuring Tatsumi that no one else was still awake at that time of the night! So much for his elaborate garden fantasies!   
  
"You saw…" Watari choked out. He and Tatsumi couldn't sleep that night, and had decided to look for a twenty-four hour convenience store out of sheer boredom. But the fresh air and the loveliness of midnight somewhat brought them to their knees, literary, in one of the hidden corners of the garden. And so…   
  
"And the boy, too!"   
  
Watari's head was reeling… until this and that clicked together and he found himself feeling like an idiot. "You know already! And you made me do all that explaining!"   
  
"I didn't ask you to!" Tsuzuki singsonged, pinching both Watari's cheeks. Watari looked so different without his glasses.   
  
"But…" He couldn't help it; one thought of Tsuzuki's frightened, flushed face earlier and he felt sorry again. "But you looked so shocked, and…"   
  
Tsuzuki laughed, but his cheeks pinked a little. "Na, you did just molest me, you know. Didn't you think I'd, iya, react to that?"   
  
Watari froze. "Oh."   
  
"Yes, oh." Giggles.   
  
Gah! Watari clamped a hand over his own mouth to prevent himself from screaming. All this was making him dizzy again! He grabbed Tsuzuki's arm, pulling the shinigami up. Anymore of this fiasco and he might have to pass out.   
  
"Alright, alright, this has stretched out long enough. You get some rest…"   
  
Tsuzuki's eyes sparkled. "Watari, waii!!! That's so sweet of you!" And then he pouted. "But what about you? I'm not leaving you…"   
  
"I'm sharing your bed in the infirmary and that's that. Tomorrow we'll wake-up with no memory of this." He instructed, tapping Tsuzuki's nose with his finger. Tsuzuki started nodding profusely.   
  
"Hai hai!!!" Tsuzuki agreed, words and mirth muffled by a sudden yawn. He was feeling very tired now, senses beginning to recall what time of the night it was. "Won't sue for sexual harassment!" He cheerily announced, raising a hand. "I forgot everything you said already!"   
  
He let Watari cling on his arm with both hands, amazed at how the scientist ignored the fact that Tsuzuki was still slightly injured but amused by it nonetheless. Although often dynamic and spontaneous in nature it was rare for him to see the man it such a smashed state. Watari seemed, curiously, quite capable of being serious when he was drunk though; well, at least he seemed so a while back. And when he said…   
  
Tsuzuki paused, making Watari halt with him as well. "Maybe not everything you said…"   
  
Watari steadied himself with a hard tug on Tsuzuki's arm, then blinked up at the statement. He opened his mouth in query but then closed it as if realizing the answer himself.  
  
Surprising Tsuzuki Watari cupped his cheek with his entire palm, their noses almost bumping as he drew their faces nearer. "Aa. Of Tatsumi. Don't forget that part."   
  
Tsuzuki kissed Watari's cheek, smiling. "And don't you forget that I said thank you."   
  
  
  
  
+ Owari part 2 ++  
+ E-mail all comments for niichan to Kaede Shu, cherrysoftness@schuldich.zzn.com ++ 


	3. Kitto Kitto Sonno Mama 3

+Kitto, Kitto, Sonno Mama+  
  
Standard Disclaimers Apply  
  
Aki-niichan, Aki's Notebook  
  
http://clik to/shiine  
  
/Comments are most welcome!/  
  
It had been one of those days, Tatsumi thought, glancing at his watch as he walked down the hallways. His stay at Kyoto had been extended to a full five days and four nights, simply because he could not find the one last remaining soul among Muraki's victims. A prostitute, whose carcass was found hanging from a tree, had insisted that her lover would still come to pick her up from the spot where they often met, refusing to believe that she was actually dead. Apparently Muraki had posed as a customer when he first approached her, and she claimed that whatever the doctor did to her she had experienced much worse from other men.   
  
And so the panic-stricken girl fled and hid from Tatsumi all she could until just a few hours ago, when she had somehow discovered that she actually was dead, hair chopped of in random angles and arms and legs broken. With the matter settled with Tatsumi was now free to return to the JuChoOh. He had only made a sidetrip to buy kanchou some pound cake, but actually he was late enough. Watari could not possibly be able to finish all the paperwork he left behind on time…   
  
Tatsumi opened the door to Watari's lab in a rush, but was surprised to see it empty.   
  
"Watari?"   
  
"Infirmary," Konou said from behind him, patting his back. "Welcome back, Tatsumi-san."   
  
Tatsumi nodded, a bit startled. The infirmary? He noticed Konoe's expectant expression and he grinned at his pleasant superior.   
  
"Aa. I left your souvenir on your desk, kanchou."   
  
"Yokatta!" The old man replied, features that so often met Tsuzuki with haggard lines softening efficiently. "The happiness of old age! Arigatou, Tatsumi!"   
  
Tatsumi waved a hand goodbye, turning towards the opposite end of the hall. The infirmary, was it?   
  
Very well, Tatsumi told himself, it couldn't be helped. He had not planned on visiting Tsuzuki until after checking on Watari's progress, knowing that if he stopped by Tsuzuki's bedside that's where he would probably be staying for the rest of the day. Tsuzuki had sent him his bird familiar the other day just to say that he missed him and Tatsumi had felt absolutely giddy upon reading his message; if only it were that easy for him to be as open to Tsuzuki as Tsuzuki was to him.   
  
  
  
"Yes it is!"   
  
Tatsumi started, finding himself in front of the clinic door. Tsuzuki's voice had suddenly boomed all the way outside, sounding very excited over something. Tatsumi knocked.   
  
"Hai?"   
  
He slipped inside the door and outrageous cheering came from Tsuzuki, who had switched to happy-puppy mode the moment he saw the secretary. His bed was cluttered with all sorts of folders and papers, which came flying in the air when he jumped up to greet Tatsumi.   
  
"Oi! Oi!" Watari yelped, diving for the laptop that slid off the sheets as Tsuzuki stood. "Watch it!"   
  
"Aa, gomen, gomen!" Tsuzuki said, scratching the back of his head. He focused once more on Tatsumi, who had handed a small paper bag to Hisoka.   
  
"I hope you like them, Kurosaki-kun." Tatsumi tapped at the top of Watari's head with the bottom of another paper bag, the scientist still on the floor. "And you, too, Watari."   
  
"Mochiron!" Watari assured him, glancing at Hisoka curiously peeking into his souvenir. The boy looked secretly pleased – by now they could all read his expressions a little further, despite the fact that they all seemed like frowns.   
  
Tsuzuki turned wide expectant eyes on Tatsumi, pulling impatiently on his coat sleeve like a child. "Ne, ne, Tatsumi, watashi mo?"   
  
"Hai, anato mo." Tatsumi replied, voice softening.   
  
"Should we leave?" Watari asked, transferring to Hisoka's bedside. He nudged at Hisoka to back up his teasing.   
  
"Unless you want to molest Tsuzuki again." Hisoka automatically added, deadpan.   
  
Both Watari and Tsuzuki's eyes widened, Watari's glare slowly transferring to Tsuzuki. "Tsuzuki! You…?" The words died at his throat, remembering Tatsumi's threatening presence – almost ominous when it came to Tsuzuki's well-being – and grabbed Hisoka by the elbow.   
  
"We leave, bo-ya." Hisoka let himself be led out with his face still buried in a book. 003 came flying after them right before the doors closed.   
  
"Ehe he…" Tsuzuki scratched the back of his head, melting under Tatsumi's *still* calm stare. "How was your trip, Tatsumi?"   
  
"Successful," Tatsumi answered tersely, pulling a chair to Tsuzuki's bedside from the corner of the room. "What is this I hear about you and Watari…?"   
  
"Nan demo nai!" Tsuzuki chirped, laughing nervously. "It's just some joke between us…"   
  
"Of course," Tatsumi replied, clearing his throat. Something about the way Tsuzuki's smile was slight, well, suspicious, but he ignored the sensation nonetheless.   
  
Tsuzuki eyes were shining. "Ne, I missed you, Tatsumi. Did you miss me, too?"   
  
"I did," Tatsumi answered, aware of where the conversation was headed.   
  
"Then you remembered to buy me something, right? Right?"   
  
"Actually," Tatsumi said, controlling a chuckle, "this might come as a surprise. I didn't get you dessert."   
  
Tsuzuki's eyebrows twitched, smile unfaltering. "Is it Kyouyouba pudding?"   
  
"Tsuzuki-san, I said…"   
  
"No don't tell me. Savory buns, the small, soft kind!"   
  
Tatsumi's hand landed on top of Tsuzuki's. "I'm not kidding, Tsuzuki-san."   
  
"Wah, Tatsumi, hidoi! I don't believe you! You always bring me something to eat!" Tsuzuki's sat up immediately, stuffing his hands into Tatsumi's pockets. "Is it in here? In your sleeves? Are you gonna do a magic trick?"   
  
"No, no, I'm not…" Tatsumi hands reached for Tsuzuki's, shaking his head. "There's something else that I had in mind. I saw it while buying kanchou's souvenir."   
  
Tsuzuki looked mildly curious. "Really?" For a moment he thought about what it was, before his expression changed completely. "Hey, you didn't buy kanchou pound cake, did you?"   
  
Tatsumi laughed, despite himself, seeing Tsuzuki's serious expression. "Tsuzuki, I still have something for you. Do you want it or not?"   
  
"Of course I do!" Tsuzuki went on to complain about Hisoka taking his breakfast the other day, biting his lower lip for effect. "So you have to give me something!"   
  
"Un." Tatsumi took out a small red sachet from his coat pocket, handing it over to Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki smelt it right away, wondering if it was something edible, then opened it.   
  
It was… well what do you…   
  
Er…   
  
"Tatsumi?" Tsuzuki blinked. "What's this?"   
  
Tatsumi took the package from his hands. "A pendant."   
  
"Pendant…"   
  
"For the gold chain I gave you, do you remember? Do you still have it?"   
  
For no occasion; Tsuzuki has fallen asleep in Watari's current office, then Terazuma's, and Tatsumi was the one who woke him up. He remembered Tatsumi offering him a ride home, and he had noticed that Tatsumi was wearing a golden chain around his neck. Newly bought, in an assignment to Yokohama, and Tsuzuki knew how careful Tatsumi was with money so he had praised the necklace to the high heavens, the craftsmanship. The next day he had woken up with the necklace on his own neck.   
  
"Or course." Tsuzuki had stopped wearing the necklace only last year, when an encounter with some runaway demons almost snapped the chain in half. The pendant glinted in Tatsumi's hand, a soft purple. An amethyst, plain, cut skillfully, with no adornments. Meant only to match with his eyes.   
  
That Tatsumi… cutting the budget and splurging on a pendant… Tstzuki felt himself absolutely beaming. "Thank you." He wanted to say many other things, as well, remembering what Watari told him the other day. A reconciliation between the two of them was long overdue, Watari told him just this morning, and even Hisoka seemed to agree, but Tatsumi was just too difficult to understand. So kind to him, and yet…   
  
"I wish," Tsuzuki let out, not wanting to suppress the spontaneous feeling, "sometimes, that you weren't so kind. I don't want to misinterpret your actions, Tatsumi."   
  
For some reason Tatsumi looked very surprised when he heard that. And in one of those very, very rare moments, he sounded like he would stutter. "There's nothing to misinterpret."   
  
"I know," Tsuzuki said softly. Watari had insisted that Tatsumi only needed to raise the courage to admit his feelings, but that he still cared for Tsuzuki was a sure thing. If Tatsumi would only say something, anything alluding to that, even just a small word…   
  
"No, I mean," Tatsumi coughed a little, forcing back his embarrassment. "You should know. I want you back, and…"   
  
Tsuzuki's head snapped up sharply. "What was that?"   
  
"And you should take your time thinking about what you feel about things, but you should be sure already about how I feel about things." Tatsumi stood up, ready to leave. He wondered how long it would be before Tsuzuki could fully trust him again – not that he didn't, but this was a different matter from their friendship. He felt, as he expected, Tsuzuki's hand grasp his and knew Tsuzuki would as for some sort of assurance that he had meant what he said. If only he was better at things like this, at relationships, at words, at feelings.   
  
Perhaps in a year he would be able to prove to Tsuzuki…   
  
Tsuzuki was smiling at him. "Okay."   
  
"Okay?" Tatsumi repeated dumbly.   
  
"I believe you." Tsuzuki answered plainly, pulling at his hand. Asking him to sit down. To stay.   
  
"But," But just last week, Tatsumi thought, Tsuzuki had wrenched his heart with his total certainty that Tatsumi was not interested in him, and he wanted to hang himself for hurting Tsuzuki to such an extent that he was very willing to show Tatsumi how he felt but never seemed to think of receiving anything in return. He was about to blurt out something wondrous when the thought struck him.   
  
Tsuzuki… "Tsuzuki-san, did Watari tell you anything?"   
  
"Eh?" Tsuzuki smiled at him sweetly. "Why would you think that?"   
  
"I take that as a yes," Tatsumi shuffled the top of Tsuzuki's head. "So you boys have been talking about me?"   
  
"Plus Hisoka ^^" Tsuzuki added. The weight of Tatsumi's words were swirling in his head. He thought he might burst out in laughter any minute now.   
  
"I see…" Tatsumi squeezed the hand still in his' he had been worrying for nothing after all. So Tsuzuki believe him now? It was, as Tsuzuki said, okay?   
  
Tsuzuki's expression was soft, genuinely happy. But his eyes were serious; there was something else.   
  
"What is it?"   
  
Tsuzuki looked surprised, but not much. "You can read my mind, at times, I swear it." He tugged at Tatsumi's hand once more. "There's one more thing."   
  
"Yes?" Tatsumi asked. Tsuzuki was blushing – kawaii – and he seemed apprehensive all of the sudden. "Go ahead." Perhaps some dessert, Tatsumi thought. With Tsuzuki it wouldn't be so strange a request; food was a happy memory for him.   
  
"Just so, so it would be true," Tsuzuki sat up with a little effort, Tatsumi rushing to aid him, "Would you?"   
  
"Yes?" Apple pie, Tatsumi figured. Or cinnamon rolls – Wakaba would be ore than happy to oblige.   
  
Tsuzuki somehow decided not to ask anymore and leaned forward instead, pressing his lips against his, lingering, sighing softly. A second passes by, then another few. Tatsumi's eyes widened and he touched his lips.   
  
"I missed that," Tsuzuki said, before settling back to his pillow. He closed his eyes. "Now you can get me my dessert."   
  
Tatsumi simply looked at him. He felt his cheeks warming up; Tsuzuki had kissed him and he had missed that feeling more than anything else. And apparently Tsuzuki could read his mind in return. "I thought of no such thing."   
  
"Yes you did!" Tsuzuki opened one eye, giggling. "A slice of pie for the kiss."   
  
"I will get the whole pie, then," Tatsumi replied. To his surprise Tsuzuki did not blush at the implications of that, only smiled broader. And then he felt the need to touch him, to tell him so many things. To say it was real.   
  
"I… Asato, listen, I must tell you this." Those words. They were dancing at the tip of his tongue. If only he could say them. But Tsuzuki opened both his eyes and shook his head.   
  
"I know." He smiled at him and closed his eyes again. "I fell the same way." They stayed there in the silence, in remembrance. Tatsumi stayed until Tsuzuki drifted back to sleep, still holding his hand. And when he was about to leave he thought of their words, and he understood. They were the same.   
  
"Yokatta."   
  
  
  
Owarimashita ~  
  
+ E-mail all comments and suggestions for niichan to Kaede Shu, cherrysoftness@schuldich.zzn.com ++ 


End file.
